A Christmas Mystery

Christmas is full of mystery and wonder....the virgin birth, the incarnation, God becoming man...deep and awesome stuff.

But today I'm processing a more earthy kind of Christmas mystery, one that has left me perplexed for years: The Problem of the Unlit Lights. You know,  strings of Christmas lights that only partially work. I mean, what gives? Examine the following photo closely:

I risked life and limb on the rooftop hanging a solitary string of Christmas lights, only to later descend, plug it in, and realize that two large sections were completely unlit. The perfectionist (i.e., OCD) side of me wanted to scream. In fact, I did. Notice the two sections: above the 2nd window and along the vertical part on right hand side. (Notice also the adorable little girl on the front step. No problem there.)

Am I the only one on the planet to expect the entire string of lights to work? Am I asking too much?

But wait. There's more. I went back inside the house and unboxed a brand new, never used, string of colored lights. Wiser now, I tested the lights before climbing a ladder. I submit for your evaluation this second photo:

These lights are clearly straight from the factory, for once opened and used, it would be impossible for any human being to wrap them up so neatly. These are brand new! And yet 1/3 of them are refusing to light! Again I wonder...am I asking too much here?

Unlike the deep theological mysteries of the Christmas story, the Problem of the Unlit Lights must surely have a scientific and mechanical explanation. And also a solution.  My wife, my hero, set out to resolve the problem as my mental well-being hung in the balance.

A YouTube search on "How to fix Christmas lights" yielded numerous results. Sanity began to creep back as I realized I was not alone! Armed with her laptop and a buzzing electrical tester, my soulmate spent the evening sprawled out on the living room floor with a faulty string of holiday lights. I waited in the next room. And prayed.

Four hours later the atmosphere began to lighten, and I sniffed the aroma of success in the air. A halo-like glow encircled my wife's head, and she announced like Thomas Edison, "I did it." Truly, she had! Every tiny bulb was lit and radiating Christmas joy....like children's faces at the elementary school holiday recital.

"Congratulations," I said, flexing my encouragement muscle. "I bought that string of lights for $1.00 last July at a yard sale." No matter. Success is its own reward. Our joy was palpable. Mystery solved.

"I have another project for you," I postured. "You're not afraid of heights, are you?"

I wish you all a well-lit Christmas!